In my house life hasn`t been easy. My father was drinking and my mother was the only one working to provide for family. I spent most of the time at my grandma`s place – I didn`t want to take part in what was happening back at home. Unfortunately, I jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. My father after drinking alcohol was aggressive – very aggressive, so we had to seek a place to hide somewhere to avoid being beaten. Today I`m 26 years old and I`m through one long and unhappy relationship. We planned to get married. He was the boy from normal family without dysfunction. It didn`t protect me from being ridiculed, humiliated under the guise of great love – like the women from the end of the book - ACoDF parent. I was apologizing for everything, everything was wrong…
Reading the final part I saw my future if I had gotten married. Although my ex-boyfriend suffers from our split-up and I can`t forget about that, I feel that I did the right thing leaving (because it was me who had made decision about breaking up). It was not easy – he was asking what was wrong as he wasn`t beating me nor maltreating me (in contrast to my father).
Generally, I cope with my love pretty well – I finished my studies, I have steady a job in the field I have always dreamed of. I always had to be the head of the family, which taught me responsibility, resourcefulness and courage in the pursuit of a goal. However, I`m emotionally crippled and I`m aware of that. I can`t ask for help although I often give somebody a hand. I`m trying to change that and I always remember that there are people who are in much worse situation than me.
I think my difficult and really painful decision has helped me to spread wings on emotional level but I`m not sure what tomorrow will bring. I`ve always said that I don`t want to have children because I don`t want them to have childhood like I did but recently I have dreams about starting a family, having calm, good and smart husband who would be a great father – the kind of parent I didn`t have.
Nowadays, there are a lot of girls concerned only about money and what a man offers them. I want that one right man to have a good heart, wisdom and hands that are not afraid to work. I don`t know if these dreams will come true but I will try to fight for it. I will try to spread my wings for my future family, to make it right, just the way it should be.
Translated by Patrycja Osoba – Flak